Markus: We are absolutely excited today. We have Don Handston with us, who has been a business owner for over 35 years in the Chicago land area, and his customers like and appreciate his frankness and tell-it-like-it-is philosophy. He’s seen the highs and the lows of businesses and come off stronger for it. Don, thank you for your time today.
Don Handston: Hi Markus, how are you?
Markus: I’m doing great, thanks. I appreciate you spending time with our readers today. Let’s jump right into it. You’ve got something really kind of cool, a new philosophy. Maybe not a new philosophy, but new to the world. Tell us about the 30-Day Contract and how you envision it helping people around the world.
Don: The 30-day Contract originally started with relationships. What a 30-day contract does, is it’s a different look at how you create and what type of relationships you have. It’s really about creating a positive experience and fun. With the 30-Day Contract, it’s more or less putting it out there that within a relationship, typically, the best part of that relationship is in the first 30 days. After that, the everyday hum-drum problems come into play, and it doesn’t get to be so much fun and more, and sometimes even problematic.
The longer the relationships go on, sometimes it’s more problematic, and typically, it’s because maybe you’re not with the correct person, or perhaps you’re just with somebody to have fun with. The 30-Day Contract, it’s all about being upfront and telling somebody, “Hey, I’m very interested in spending some time with you, but I really don’t want it to go beyond 30 days.” There will be some sort of attractiveness to that because most people don’t have the confidence to say that. Most guys don’t have the balls to say it to a woman… ” And She’s too emotional,” to say something like that, they are afraid to hurt people’s feelings.
In my neck of the woods, I’ve experienced success through business by being extremely honest, brutally honest, and candid. Whatever word you want to use. The more honest you are, the more you attract the type of people you want to be with, as far as clients and our business, even. In a relationship, when you’re frank with somebody, it puts them back on their heels. They think to themselves, “Wait a minute, I’m not so much in control. This person is not only deciding whether or not they want to spend some time with me, but they’re not interested in spending more time than that with me. Maybe they don’t realize what a quality person I am or what I have to offer.”
Often, that other person is going to be trying 10 times as hard to make the other person happy and have fun. Everybody’s going to enjoy the experience. That’s the overall gist of it. It’s being remarkably frank; it’s telling people, “Hey, I’m interested in having fun and creating some memories in my life, but I’m not interested in going into the problematic parts of life.”
Markus: That’s the 30,000-mile view of it.
Don: Exactly right. What it does is it helps people start not worrying about hurting people’s feelings. if you’re able to be frank, and you hurt people’s feelings, at the end of the day, they’re probably not the person for you anyways. And the people who have to always be right, they’re not going to want any part of it either.
I’ll be honest with you, I’ve utilized this for years. Right now, I’m in a relationship, but for years, I operated like this, and I told some people about it. I’m like, “You know you got to put out the 30-day contract with women,” and they said, “There’s no way that works.”
Can I be frank in this interview?
Markus: Absolutely. I wouldn’t want you to be any other way.
Don: Okay. Basically, what it does is puts you in a power position. If you’re a male, a woman is usually in control, whether a man wants to think he’s in control or not, because they have one saying, and that’s called the power of the pussy. The power of the pussy hits a man somewhere where they’re not thinking straight, and all they want to do is get in control of that, which really means the woman’s in control of the relationship. And then things go south.
A lot of times, women, do things that would make a man desire or want them, and a lot of it’s the hard-to-get bullshit. A lot of it’s all this crap. Often, guys go through all of this stuff just to get what they want, then when they get what they want, they get locked in, and they’re in a bad relationship, or they realize it wasn’t what they wanted in the first place. A lot of times, it’s not necessarily the right fit for people. It’s not just for the man; it’s for the woman too.
If the man says, “Hey, I’m willing to spend 30 days with you, and we can do whatever you want, have whatever, depending on what type of income or lifestyle you have, travel or have sex, or do things. Just be completely above board with what you want to do to have fun, laugh, enjoy food, and just have a great time. Who’s not going to like that experience? It’s going to be a positive experience. Toward the end of the 30 days, obviously, the person needs to be reminded, “Hey, we only have X amount of days left in this, then we’re done, and there are no contract renewals.”
What that does is those reminders make that person even pick up their game more. They’re going to try to be the person that you want them to be. They’re going to have fun, and once in a while, people don’t have to try to be the person you want them to be; they just are. You never know that in the typical environment we’re in because everybody’s so busy blowing smoke up everybody else’s asses and being a fake person right at the beginning of the relationship to make the other person desire them.
It’s like the bait-and-switch, or throw the hook out there. It’s like the woman that works out and speaks about things that the man might want to hear, and all of a sudden, they get into a relationship, and she puts on a bunch of weight, she’s really not interested in exercise even though she seemed like she was. She’s got her own opinion, which is not anything like she portrayed in the beginning. It’s the same thing for men as well.
I’m writing this book on behalf of men, but to be quite honest with you, this could be for women too. How many men would say no, to a woman that’s so confident that she’s able to come across and say, “Hey, listen? You know what, you’re cool; I’d like to spend some time with you. We could be exclusive for 30 days, and we can do whatever you want, and have fun and be honest, and whatever types of things you want to do, whatever types of sex, whatever you want to do.” How many men are going to say no?
Even a man who would believe that he’s out of the league for this woman, the confidence that this woman will exude is going to be extremely attractive to that man. Really what it does is it really helps people in life. The controversial part of this thing is a lot of people are going to be like, “That’s taking advantage of people,” because that’s the common consensus right now. Is if you’re honest, you’re taking advantage of people, which is absolutely wrong. If you’re real, there are no hidden agendas, right?
Markus: Right. There are no games, there are no social taboos, and there’s no bullshit. You’re being honest and transparent, and the person can say ‘yes’ or they can say ‘no.’ It’s not like you’re twisting someone’s arm. You’re just being upfront and frank with them, which I think a lot of people don’t have the confidence, whether you’re a man or a woman, to have that confidence, because we do live in a very fear-based society, a very lack mentality, so to speak. Therefore, we’re always worried about losing something that we never had in the first place versus gaining something that could be magical if we just stepped up to the plate.
Don: Absolutely, Markus. As you said, you can’t lose what you never had in the first place. That’s the first thing. You can’t ever have what you don’t ask for. That’s the second thing. The third thing is if you can implement this system that I’m going to outline in the book, you will gain confidence in yourself. You’re not going to fear rejection because you will realize that what comes with rejection is confidence. The more rejection you get, the more confident you get.
Markus: It’s the success paradox. You don’t think that you’re going to get confidence, you’re thinking that you’re going to get shot down, and it’s going to drive you deeper, but it’s just the opposite. The more no’s you get, it’s really about getting to the yes. The more no’s you get, the more yesses you’ll get!
Don: This means, before you know it, you don’t even care if you get a ‘no’; you almost want to get a ‘no’ because then you can move on to the next person. It’s like sales. Give me a ‘no,’ just so I can move on to my next potential client. Let me tell you something, every person that has succeeded in life has failed 100 times over.
Markus: True that.
Don: There is no person on earth who has succeeded that never failed; there is not one person. Why are we afraid of failure? We should be looking forward to failure so we can grow. There’s a lot more to this book than just going out and having a great time, and getting the confidence and maybe pussy, and getting whatever it is that you want in life. It’s even more than that. It’s about identifying opportunities out there, identifying the good in people, and what you want in life. The idea is that you can get in life what it is that you ask for and that you want.
Too many people run around in this world with things that they don’t want, and they wonder why they got all these problems, and it’s because of their lack of confidence.
Markus: Because they’re afraid to ask for what they want.
Don: That’s an overall view of it. Now, the book may seem a little bit more skanky than that, okay? It’s going to be like, “Hey, let me throw the potential for rejection out there,” you’re going to say, “Hey, it’s not for everybody, and I understand this isn’t your deal, but this is how I do it!”
Markus: It’s definitely going to be controversial. Some might say you’re being a male chauvinist pig, or you’re trying to take advantage of women or control people, but really, in all honesty, it’s you’re trying to help people and get them to be more honest, more transparent, and make the world be more real, more authentic, more natural… which is what I’m hearing.
Don: Exactly right. now you see how everything gets twisted around nowadays anyway.
Markus: Oh, my God, yes.
Don: It’s about just being like you say, completely transparent, and at the end of the day, you’re going to get what you want. Whether or not a woman likes the fact that her contract does not get renewed, she’s going to have probably the most memorable 30 days of her life unless you have nothing to offer a girl. If she has a wonderful time and you have great sex, and everyone’s letting their hair down and having a good time and being honest, and this is what I need, this is what I want, and this where we’re going to go and is we’re going to eat. Who’s not going to have a good time?
And if they’re not going to have a good time? Good riddance, you only got 30 days that you’re invested with this person, and as a matter of fact, you can terminate that Contract before 30 days, if you so desire. Do you know what I mean? It’s really an excellent way to look at it because some people are like, “Oh my god, should I talk to her?” If you talk to her like it’s a lifelong thing, or if I talk to her I’m going to get married to her and I’m going to have kids with her, I’m going to spend the rest of my life.” Stop the insanity… You’re just going to go talk to her!
Markus: Exactly, why be so serious?
Don: Who gives a shit? Go talk to her. If you’re comfortable talking to her, go talk to her. You don’t want to talk to her, don’t talk to her. Who cares? It’s the same thing with a woman towards a man. This whole concept is designed and written by a man, but it could be used by a woman. My thing is, when I used it, it was more, not only about creating confidence, it was more about sex. Getting great sex for 30 days and blowing the doors off everybody, me, the person I was involved with, because everybody was straight up, this is what I need, this is what I want, this is what I want to try. There was nothing hidden.
It doesn’t have to be just about sex; it can be about many other things. I think a lot of people are afraid to take off the veil and say, “Hey, you know what? Maybe this sounds quirky, but I like this kind of food or do these types of things. And it doesn’t even have to be about sex. So many people are very uncomfortable with things that they like because they don’t think it fits in with the norm. Let me tell you something… there is no such thing as the norm! The more not normal you are, the more real you are, and probably more people feel like that than you would know, but people don’t have the confidence to say it if it doesn’t fit in with what society says is good or bad.
Markus: That’s the thing, absolutely. There’s a difference between normal and natural because the norm is what society tells you; natural is just our innate being of being human. You look at countries like in Europe; people aren’t ashamed of their bodies. Nudity is not a big thing. It’s on television, it’s on beaches, it’s whatever. There isn’t this taboo around sex or the kinds of sex you want, or all those kinds of things. In this country, for some reason, maybe it’s because of society, perhaps it was because we started this country by a bunch of Quakers or whatever, that we have these taboos, which then make it almost like, “Oh, shhh, we’re not supposed to talk about this.” Well, of course, you’re supposed to talk about it; it’s the most natural thing there is.
Yes, you want to be with somebody, you want to be intimate with them, but as you say, intimacy isn’t just about sex. Sex is a big piece of that, but there’s a connection and doing things you’d like to do, and spending time doing the things you’d like to do, whether it’s travel, whether it’s going for a walk on the beach, whether it’s sitting in front of a bonfire or going fishing on a lake. Whatever it is, it’s being honest with each other, what is it that you want? What is it that you like? Find those commonalities and then create those intimate magic moments across the spectrum.
Don: Exactly right, yes.
Markus: That’s fantastic.
Don: You talk about clothing and nudity? We’ve been going to nude resorts for years, topless, naked, whatever, it doesn’t matter to me. At the end of the day, I don’t understand why that’s a big deal because it’s the person, right? It’s not a disguise with clothing? If you’re embarrassed by your body, then maybe you ought to do something about it. That’s my theory. You should be proud of your body. If you’re not like a swimsuit model, be proud of it, whatever it may be. “Hey, I eat a lot. Hey, I don’t exercise,” be proud… this is you. You don’t have to fit in with these books and magazines and what the scales say that you need to be.
We’re so busy trying to fit in that people are afraid, to be honest with each other these days, and that’s why I think this book is going to be so impactful. It’s going to be a little skanky. Still, it’s going to be refreshing to actually think and feel like you’re free – like you’re able to make your own decisions, like you’re able to fail, like you’re able to tell people what you want, what you don’t want, what you’re able to tell people that you like and dislike, sexual ideas, and everything.
Like, my girlfriend, she likes football, okay? Most women don’t like football, most women might think that a man wouldn’t think she was sexy if she liked football, but we’re together because we’re both brutally honest. At the end of the day, that’s our connection.
As far as this book is being written, it’s really about creating great segments in your life, and I’m going to encourage people not to renew their 30-day contracts. Now, down the road, after you get a bunch of them and you went along, and you saw it, in retrospect, you might say, “Hey, you know what? Month number three,” or however you want to detail it, this girl or whatever, “That was a really good fit for me.”
There’s no saying you can’t call her up and say, “Hey, I was thinking about you, we had a great time,” maybe rekindle that relationship, or perhaps you don’t but don’t be worried. Don’t ever worry about rejection because sometimes rejection is the best thing going. I would rather somebody tell me ‘no’ than ‘yes’ because I don’t have to waste my time. And not ‘Yes’ with a bunch of restrictions. ‘Oh but this… oh but that…’
Absolutely No, ‘oh but I’d love to’ or I wouldn’t want that for anything.’ I’d rather hear, “You’re a dork, I can’t stand you, I didn’t have that much fun.” Be straight up; I don’t really care.
I have thick skin, and I’m sure everybody doesn’t have thick skin, but we need to really figure out how to get our skin a little bit thicker so we can deal with rejection, so we can deal with success in the same breath.
Markus: Like you say, transparent and brutally honest. It’s much more because if you’re being honest, you don’t have to be mean like some people are, and that’s where the brutal part comes into it. In all honesty, if you’re being honest, I’d rather someone be open to my face than to blow smoke up my ass or give me a bunch of bullshit, just because that’s what they think I want to hear, versus telling me how it is so that I can make a better decision about which path I want to go down.
Don: It’s very refreshing to me when somebody tells me the truth. Often, I can tell that they’re telling me the truth, even if I don’t know that person. Because if it’s something that may not align with how I think and they know that, typically, I know it’s the truth because most people are afraid to say something that doesn’t align with what they believe that you think if that makes any sense. It’s going to be a fun book, it’s going to be interesting. If it gains traction, I believe that people will recommend it to others, and I think that people are really going to want to read this thing and get some insight into it.
The 30 Day Contract, I’ve had friends do it, and even guys who were studs tried it, and they didn’t really have the balls to completely implement it. They implemented a little bit, they’re like, “Yes, you’re right, you take away the power to pussy, that’s all they got control over you with.” Then they implement a little bit more, and they’re like, “You’re a freaking genius, this stuff works.” I go, “The reason it works is because nobody does it. That’s why it works.” If everyone did it, maybe it wouldn’t work, I don’t know–
Markus: If you’re being honest and transparent, it will work. It just wouldn’t be such a big thing. It’s a big ‘Aha’ because it would be so commonplace, I think, but who knows? We’ll see. Maybe we’ll find out in 10 years when this shifts the scales with relationships. Someone once told me that dating is about finding what you don’t want, as much as finding what you do want.
Don: That’s a common theme in life. I think it’s the same thing with business. As a matter of fact, I think the more important thing is to find clients you don’t want or projects you don’t want rather than the ones you do want because then it becomes very apparent what you don’t want when you can streamline what you want. Then it becomes simple, but when you just got a giant spectrum, and you’re not really sure what you want and what you don’t want, I think you got to really go through the process and figure out the criteria, “What is it that you want?”
The only way you find that out is by finding out what you don’t want. You’re going to find that out because there’s going to be a lot more shit that you don’t want than you do want, whether it’s a relationship, whether it’s something in business. It’s fascinating. It’s like the best question asked is the one that people say, “This may be a stupid question.” A stupid question’s probably the best question because you think it’s silly, but what you’re doing is unveiling something that you’re thinking and wondering about. You’ll never get the answer if you don’t ask it, so that’s really the most important question. So is it really a stupid question?
No, it could very well be the most important question you could ask. It’s the same thing if you see a supermodel and you think, “There’s no way.” How do you know if you don’t ask? Right?
Don: Supermodel shows up at a party, you sit down and start talking to her. You see who she is or what she likes, and ask her. I guarantee if you don’t ask her you’ll never fucking get a date with her but, if you do ask her, who knows what the chances are? I bet you the chances are a lot higher than you think because a lot of those really hot chicks, they’re not as sought out as people think they are. There are many really hot women that I know in life that very few men even ask out. I know a girl that was a beauty pageant winner. Miss Continental, I don’t know. She was the best-looking woman I’ve ever seen in my life, and sexy.
Not many people would ask her out. They’re way too intimidated. Why is that? Their confidence. It wouldn’t matter if the guy is a stud or makes a lot of money, whatever, who knows… how to fuck. It doesn’t matter. You don’t have the confidence because you’d figure that’s a for sure, ‘no.’ Guess what, I want to figure out for sure, “Is this a ‘no’?” Because I’m okay with a ‘no.’ “Get out of here, I hate you.” “Okay, cool.” You’d be pleasantly surprised. A lot of guys don’t have a lot of confidence. If this gives them confidence, then it’s a win in my book. It doesn’t matter what you look like, or how much money you’ve got. It’s got to do with your confidence, and if you have confidence, you will attract people. When you attract people, you’re going to get what you want in life.
Do you know what I mean? You’re going to get happiness, and you’re going to get women you’ve never even dreamed of, and you’re going to create a lot of moments in life with a lot of fun people. Maybe a lot of good sex, perhaps a lot of hot chicks. Who knows? Whatever it is that you’re looking for, you’re not going to get what you’re looking for if you don’t look for it.
Markus: That’s right.
Don: I know this is a general synopsis of this book, but it really boils down to being straight up, talking with somebody, and getting to know them a little bit. Obviously, you don’t just pull up to somebody and say, “Hey you want a 30-day contract?” That ain’t going to work. Talk to them a little bit. You got to be comfortable. “Hey, how are you?” You know, talk to them. See what their name is, and what’s going on. What they like, what they don’t like, but don’t use the usual conversation concepts as most people do. Use something a little bit unusual and keep talking to people, and you’ll figure it out. You’ll figure out what works and what doesn’t work.
Once you get going with somebody and you start putting it out there, that, “Hey, you know what? This isn’t a forever thing. There’s a shelf life to it.” At the end of the day, what do we want? We want what we can’t have, right? If the chick says, “I want a relationship.” That doesn’t mean that you’re out. That doesn’t mean that you’re out because you’re going to tell them that they can’t have a relationship with you. Whether they want you or whether they don’t from first sight, they’re going to say, “This man is telling me I can’t have a relationship with him? Screw that, I’m going to show him with this stupid 30-day Contract that this guy can’t get enough of me.”
Markus: They’re going to do everything in their power to prove them wrong.
Don: Prove them wrong. Then when it’s all said and done, if you show her a good time, you gave her some great orgasms and some good laughs, you’d be surprised. You’d be surprised how the tables turned. It all bounces back on the thing called confidence. There’s only one way to get it; you have to build it. It’s like muscle on your body. You don’t get it if you don’t build it. Right?
Markus: Right. That’s true.
Don: A lot of people think, “Oh, he’s born with confidence.” Confidence works in everything. It works in sports. It works in relationships. It works in business. It works in life, it works on everything, but you have to work on it. Knowledge, everything. If you have confidence, if you’re a batter in a baseball field and you have confidence, you’re going to rip the leather off that ball. Chances are you’re going to be a great hitter!
Now, if you have no confidence, you’re thinking the ball is coming too fast, the guy can pitch too hard, he’s got a great curveball, you’re going to stink and strikeout. At the end of the day, this is about confidence.
Markus: You’re talking about sports, Muhammad Ali. He’s saying, “I’m the greatest.” That was his mantra, and it exuded not just in the ring but in his entire life.
Don: Exactly right, yes. It’s all good stuff. Is there anything else I can tell you about the book?
Markus: Don, let me ask you. Looking back, were there any signs or clues that you had this self-confidence gene in your DNA or this unconventional philosophy in your DNA?
Don: Absolutely not. 1,000% no. The reason why I say that is when I was in high school– I’m a big man now. I’m a 6’4, about 260-pound man, and I’m not fat, trust me on that. I’m very confident and everything else, but when I was young, I was small. Different era, I’m a little bit older. I used to get the crap beat out of me in school. I went to an all-boys high school. Girls, I didn’t even try to talk to them because they wouldn’t talk to me. I was like a child when all the other guys were men. I would get beat up. I didn’t start dating girls until 19. I think it’s the first time I got laid, but I worked on it, and I had to work on it.
I wasn’t that good at sports until I was 19. Once I was 19, all of a sudden, I did great at sports. All of a sudden, I’m able to pick up chicks. All of a sudden, I’m in great shape. I’m more confident, but I had to work on it. I was working out, and I was just working on it. I was talking with all the women I could, and I’d started my business at 19. Trust me, when you start your business at 19, you are not successful. It takes a long time. You get a lot more ‘nos’ than you get ‘yeses,’ and I learned it’s okay to get ‘nos’. Now I’m an older guy, I don’t mind ‘nos.’ As a matter of fact, I’d prefer a no over some wishy-washy bullshit. Do you know what I mean?
I want to know what’s up, and I’ll tell people what’s up. By telling people what’s up almost ensures that they’re either going to tell you what’s up or they’re going to bow out. Both of those are a great deal because you get rid of the people you don’t want around you and attract the people you do want around you. It’s a common theme in my life. Was I born with confidence? No. I played football; I was the worst kid on the football team. Baseball, I was probably the worst kid on the baseball team. I played hockey; on a lower level. As I got older, I was the best guy on the hockey team. It really had everything to do with confidence. Okay?
The whole thing is you don’t get it unless you work on it. It’s like being knowledgeable. If you don’t work on your knowledge, you’re not going to be knowledgeable. If you don’t have experience, you’re not going to be experienced. It really starts making life fun once you can build up that confidence. I think right now, people are getting beat up by all that’s going on in media and all this nonsense that’s going on. They’re getting beat up; they’re getting less confident than ever. They’re second-guessing themselves. They’re second-guessing everything in life.
People need it right now more than ever. People need to be around positive, happy, truthful people. I think it’s crucial. Some people will not like the fact that you’re being honest because you’re not following what they believe.
Markus: You’re not being politically correct. You’re not being sensitive or whatever. Again, being honest doesn’t mean that you’re being mean or cruel; it’s just that you’re being honest. You can be honest and still have a heart. You can still be compassionate. You can still be sensitive to issues in the world and people in the world, but being honest, that’s where it’s at.
Don: Exactly right. The more honest you are, the more you create honesty around you. The more you create that, the happier you are. There are no guessing games. Even with my 30-day Contract, there are no guessing games. They’ll try and do guessing games like, “Oh, he’s really going to extend this… watch, and then I’ll tell him ‘no’.” or, “I really want this to extend,” or whatever. There are just going to be a lot of different thought processes, but there’s really no guessing game. You told them what the deal was; you got to follow through with the deal. Okay? I think it makes you more of a credible being
If you’re going to just fall back and say, “Yeah, we could spend a couple more days together.” You’re not showing any backbone. You’re not really showing that you’re a man that does what he says he’s going to do, and you’re going to wind up in a failed relationship anyway. You have a great time, and great sex. She’s super-hot. She’s super into you. You’re into her, … So you extend it. You say, “You know what, fuck it. We’re going to spend another 10 days together. Another month can’t hurt.”
Basically, it’s just showing you don’t stick to your guns. You’ve destroyed everything that you tried to create. That’s why you can’t go back on it. That’s why I think if you go down the road and try it a bunch more times, and you decide, “Hey, back then, I had a great time with this person,” and you want to reach out, it may be a different story. At least you’re a man of your word. Either you’ll be well-received, or you won’t, but either way, who cares?
Markus: I hear you. That’s interesting.
Don: This book is going to be really fun to write. It’s a great concept. Some people are going to get their arms around it and love it, and some people are going to be like, “What the hell is this guy talking about?” Or, “This guy is full of shit.” Either way, I don’t care whatever they think. I’m one of those guys, like me, you don’t like me. Either you love me, or you hate me. Either way, I’m good with it. That’s how I am in life. You want to be my friend, and you like me, great. You don’t, I’ve got enough friends, anyway.
Markus: Let it go.
Don: Life’s too short to be worried about the unknown. Do you know what I mean?
Markus: Exactly. Or making up stories in your head that never come true. Don, you described the person you were before you got the confidence, and you mentioned you started working out as one way to help build the confidence. Were there other things that you did that you worked on to get to that confidence level?
Don: Absolutely. I’ve been working on betterment my whole life. I shouldn’t say my entire life since my life was always good. When things started getting sour, I really worked on it. Probably in the last 15 years, I’ve worked on my knowledge. I’ve been learning. I read immensely and work on my spiritual side of things, being happy, and creating better habits. Whether eating, exercising, sleeping, stretching, being around the correct people, being around positive people, being positive, creating betterment in all aspects, monetarily, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
As you start bettering yourself, what happens is you change one habit to get a little bit better at one thing; a lot of other habits fall in line. As things get better, you can never see yourself going backwards. You never want things to get worse; you always want things to get better. I’ve been doing things other than what I do for my day-to-day business, and I do things that make me happy. I don’t do anything that I don’t want to do.
It’s really going through the betterment process, and especially nowadays, there’s a lot of sketchy stuff going on. I just stay disconnected from that stuff, and I stay connected with all positive stuff. Even in sports, I still train every single day. Yes, I’m all about the betterment. It’s really helped me, especially through these tough times these days. I see many people are not in a good place, and I’m in a great place. I feel compelled that I need to share some of my ideas. That’s why I’m writing this book, and I’m going to be starting a podcast. I’m going to be streaming soon.
Markus: That’s fantastic. Was there a moment when you were growing up– you mentioned 19? 19 was your magic year. I remember being 19, and it was one of the greatest years of my life as well. Was there something that sparked it or inspired you, or made you decide that you know what, I need to do this for myself? I need more confidence. Was there something that happened or an experience or something that was the catalyst?
Don: Well, I don’t know. I think a lot of it had to do with my physical growth. In my physical growth, I went from one of the smaller, underdeveloped boys or young men to one of the larger, more developed men. It made me feel a little bit more superior because I’d gotten beaten down for so much, and all of a sudden, I started getting respect. I got respect not only because I was bigger, but because I was working out and taking care of myself. I was taking self-defense classes, and suddenly, I realized the betterment gave me a lot more confidence, and people respected me because of it.
I think that that was the key to 19. Then all of a sudden, I was more desirable to women. My confidence started to grow. Then it got a little bit better and then all of a sudden– but I had gotten beaten down so much as a younger person, that how much more are you going to beat a guy down? When you feel like you’re beaten up, how could you possibly get beat up anymore? Trust me when I tell you that anything that happened to you could be better.
Once you create one better habit or one better thing in your life, which coincides with this book, the sky’s the limit. The sky is the freaking limit. Suddenly, you go from a guy who doesn’t talk to women or doesn’t have any women to have sex with or talk to, or they’re afraid, and all of a sudden, it creates a little bit of confidence. It may change their whole life completely around in a different direction. That’s the thing, and sometimes people think it’s too late for things to get better.
You know what, you can never get to the surface of the water until you touch rock bottom, right? If you feel you’re at rock bottom, it’s time to push off. It’s time to go up from there.
Markus: You’ve got nothing to lose!
Don: Exactly right. You got to keep that with you. You got to keep it, and hey, there is nothing to lose. How are you going to lose what you didn’t have? Like we talked about earlier, what do you have to lose?
And when you realize that you can’t lose something that you never had, you know you’re always in that same predicament. It doesn’t matter if you feel like you’re in a lousy predicament or not, you cannot lose what you don’t have, and you have nothing to lose.
As long as you have the idea of betterment in the back of your mind, you have absolutely nothing to lose. If you don’t have betterment in your mind, it obviously goes in the opposite direction. It’s like using the 30-day Contract to deceive people. That’s not what it’s for. If you’re exercising to get in better shape, that’s great, but if you decide you want to get high on drugs; you’re deteriorating yourself. You’re going to go in the opposite direction.
Everything can be perverted; every idea can be perverted. The thing is, is that you don’t want that to happen. When you do any of this stuff in life, including the 30-day Contract, you’re not out to hurt people. You’re out to actually enhance your life. You’re out to enjoy your life. While you’re enjoying your life, you’re not taking advantage of somebody because you’re being transparent. It’s about making their life better as well.
At the end of the day, a lot of people may say, “Oh, if you do this, girls are going to hate you.” They’re not going to hate you. They’re not going to hate you because you didn’t do anything to harm them.
Markus: You’re being honest and transparent with them. You’re not playing games, and if you’re playing games with them, that’s a different story, but that’s not what this is. You’re literally telling them, “This is what I want. This is what I’m offering. Are you interested or not?” They can say yes or no. There you go.
Don: Exactly right.
Markus: Let’s dive a little deeper into a couple of these topics. What do you feel are the biggest myths out there when it comes to relationships, dating, staying happy, having confidence, and connection with the opposite sex?
Don: Well, I would say some of the biggest myths are, oh, you can’t have sex right away. It used to be you couldn’t have sex until you got married. Then it was I can’t have sex with you until I know you better.
You know what… if you want to have sex, you go ahead and have sex. That’s a myth. That’s a bunch of shit. I think that what that does is it curbs a lot of people from having a good time, and they’re waiting. They’re waiting and waiting and waiting. What does that do except waste time, as far as I’m concerned?
Markus: I know what I mean. There are a lot of apps proving that. What you say is very true. If that wasn’t true, apps like Tinder and Grindr, and Hookups, and all these things wouldn’t be out there because that’s what people are looking for. Hey, I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m just looking to meet with somebody and have sex. There you go. You haven’t even met them physically. They’re behind some profiles online digitally.
Don: Right. Actually, I tried one of those online dating things years ago, probably, I don’t know, 2008. I thought it was the absolute worst thing I ever did. I’m not saying it is now. I don’t know anything about it, but everybody wants you to see what they want you to see. They hide what they don’t want you to see. Some of the people that look the best online are the absolute worst. Okay? As far as I’m concerned, many of the people you’d never notice are probably quality people.
When I did that, I didn’t do a lot of it, but of the people I met, so many shitbags. They look good in pictures, and they make themselves look good and sound good. It’s part of the deception. It was absolutely the opposite of a 30-Day Contract. It was extremely non-transparent, incredibly phony, who they were or what they looked like. Some of them even had pictures of models, and then you’d meet these chicks, and it wasn’t the chick. Trust me. I’m like, “Okay. What’s the point here?”
Markus: I can never understand why people would do that because you eventually have to meet the person. It’s like guys would lie and say, “Oh, I’m a doctor, I’m a surgeon, I’m an airline pilot,” when you know that’s bullshit. If you’re doing it just to play games, I suppose, but it’s like, “Come on, it’s going to come back to bite you in the ass.”
Don: Exactly right. I’ll be honest with you. I’m terrible in pictures. If I was a woman, I’d be like, “This guy is a goof.” But as far as me with girls, I am so comfortable. Okay? Am I going to try to sit here and tell you I’m a freaking stud? No. I’m going to tell you that I’m so confident that if I meet a girl, I will attract them 1,000 times quicker than I would with a picture on an app.
A picture on an app, I’m not getting what I’m looking for even if I was just looking for looks. That’s why I say that your confidence is within you. It’s not within, “Here’s my car, and here’s where I live, and here’s how much money I make, and here’s the best picture I can find of myself or an actor, or a model that looks like me or some bullshit.” You’re meeting a person, and at the end of the day, what creates attraction is energy.
If you’ve got positive energy, if you have confident energy, if you have good energy, even people that are in serious relationships are going to be attracted to you. Some pictures of some chick that looks hot, all right, it looks hot; I want to bang her, but what’s her energy like?
That’s why I always like meeting people. . I’m not saying that an app isn’t a good way to meet somebody, hey, you’re meeting people, at least if you’re not getting out of the house, but I don’t think that that’s the way to find your dream person.
At the end of the day, maybe you’re not looking to be single or get laid every night of the week or every week of the month, or every month of the year, or however, you want to look at it. Maybe you really are looking for a relationship, but how do you know what you want if you don’t know what you don’t want?
Markus: That makes sense.
Don: That’s really the gist of the 30-Day Contract. You may meet some women, where you could look back and say, “I could have married that chick. She was so awesome.” Really, all you knew was the 30 days. Do you really know that you could have married that chick in 30 days? No. You were sucking, and fucking, and traveling, and eating, and drinking, and laughing, and shared all the good times. You don’t know until you get yourself involved monetarily in the day-to-day humdrum before you can honestly know if it’s a person that you could be married to or have a relationship with.
Markus: Exactly. I think the fact that you started the relationship or started the connection experience, being open, honest, and transparent lays a solid foundation for the right two people to continue and, eventually, into a relationship that can last a lifetime.
Don: Absolutely. Rather than the false criteria that’s put out there. Think about all the times that you’ve dated. You met these women; they seemed like the women of your dreams for the first 30 days. Then after that, where did it go? It went down the shitter.
Markus: It definitely had a sliding scale when it came to certain aspects of the relationship for sure.
Don: You were sold a false bill of sale. It wasn’t what the package described. I think we all find that out real quick because who wants to be the person who the other person doesn’t desire? I think it’s just human nature. Right? You try to fit in with the other person. If you’re as honest, you say, “This is what’s up,” I think that that’s what creates a lot of the attractiveness. People don’t always want somebody to be exactly like them, think like them, and agree with them. That’s why they say, “Opposites attract.”
Markus: Absolutely. You’ve got to have some common ground, but it doesn’t have to be all common ground, for sure. Interestingly, you say that the betterment part. There’s a saying that I learned early on from Jim Rohn, who is probably considered one of the most influential business philosophers of the 20th century. He said, “I’ll take care of me for you if you’ll take care of you for me.”
Don: So true.
Markus: “I’m going to be the best I can be for myself, but also for you, but you be the best you can be for yourself and then for me as well.”
Don: Absolutely. For you to love somebody else, you have to love yourself. In order for you to take care of somebody else, you need to be able to take care of yourself. If two people are drowning, let’s say they’re scuba diving, even in classes, they’ll tell you, “Get the air in you. Make sure that you’re okay so you can help save the other person.” If you just take the air and you give it to the other person, and you’re the one trying to help them up, you’re probably both going to drown. It’s like the guy that fell off the boat, and the guy dives in to save him and can’t swim.
The same theory applies. When you’re on a plane, and they tell you, “Put your mask on if the plane drops, and then put your child’s mask on. The same thing. You need to be able to take care of yourself first before you can take care of others. . We’re hitting on the same point, but that’s so true.
Markus: It’s that old adage. So many people have had some kind of religion indoctrinated into them. “It’s better to give than to receive.” Well, who said that? Someone that’s looking to get something. I think it’s just as good to give as it is to receive. If you’re not willing to receive, how are you ever going to be able to give? I think you’re right on the money with all of that.
Don: Yes, the giving and receiving thing. I think the more you give out, though, I do believe that you receive more than what you give out.
Markus: Absolutely, but one is not better than the other. Yes, I agree.
Don: Selfish people, there’s a limit to what they’ll ever gain in life.
Markus: Correct, because they’re putting out that energy, they’re being selfish, and they have an ulterior motive, but in the truest sense of, “I’m going to be open and honest with you,” it is just as good to give to that person as you are to receive from that person.
Don: You’re bringing up a good point. A lot in life, people would think about selfishness in a monetary value. You see, what people don’t realize is selfishness isn’t about– Money – that’s the least important thing, and people all believe that it’s the most important thing. Selfishness is thought, knowledge, perspective, experience, you name it. It’s with pretty much anything. It reminds me of the days when I went broke. I was wealthy, and I went broke. When I went broke, I had to really look back, I got really spiritual and figured out life, and I figured out the most important thing in life.
We’ve talked about this before, and it is time. Time is one thing you can’t replace. Time to do things you like to do, time to be around the people you want to be around, time to just live and be and be happy, and create betterment in your life. I’d realize that the actual people of wealth are the ones that have the most time to do the things that they want to do. Obviously, you need money for that too, but if you’re so busy worrying about money, money takes over, and you have no time. Are you really creating wealth? I think no. You’re creating the opposite.
It’s the same thing with the selfishness thing. Be very giving with your thoughts, be giving with your honesty, and be giving with opportunities. Be giving with the things that don’t have anything to do with money, as well as money. I think that that’s really the key to it as well. There are many different points that this book will hit on, but as I said, it’s going to be a lot of fun to write. I’m not quite sure how blunt I’m going to be about it. I may be blunt for a few chapters, and then I may soften it up to show where the overall idea is very beneficial in life for all people.
Markus: Absolutely. Well, I’m looking forward to reading the book and seeing when it comes out. As I understand it, you’ve got a website, donhandston.com, would that be where you would suggest finding out more about the 30-Day Contract, about the book, when it’s going to be released, and more information?
Don: Absolutely, Markus.
Markus: I think you mentioned that you have a podcast as well coming out. Is that going to be also accessible on the website?
Don: It will be. I haven’t put together my criteria on that one yet, but yes, I’m in the process of setting that up, and I can’t wait to do that. I’m really looking forward to doing that. It will be as fun and beneficial for me as it will be for our listeners, so I’m really looking forward to that as well.
Markus: Me too. Looking forward to hearing that when it comes out. I’m sure we’ll be talking again. Again, thank you much for your time today and for sharing a lot of, I would say, golden nuggets, as well as nuggets that people probably didn’t realize were out there, some ‘aha’ moments for some of our readers today. I appreciate the breath of fresh air, the frankness, the transparency, and the honesty that you shared with all of our readers today.
To Learn More Go To: http://donhandston.com/