Jay Pyatt, Certified Sexual Integrity Mentor, and his wife and business partner Lori, were interviewed recently on The Raven International TV Network about their powerful story of overcoming pornography addiction to heal their marriage and then go on to teach others how to do the same. Jay and Lori’s program is based on teaching the strategies, tools, and methods they have learned & developed as a result of going through their experience.
Raven “The Talk Show Maven” Glover is the host and executive producer for The Raven International TV Network which focuses on all positive programming 24/7. She is a former CNN/CBS radio correspondent, Best Selling Author, 3X award-winning host, and recipient of Obama’s 2016 President Lifetime Achievement Award.
Jay and Lori openly and freely share the struggles they faced in their marriage due to Jay’s 38-year addiction to pornography. They use a compassionate, “been there” approach to coach both spouses through the challenges of this addiction. Jay credits God for giving him the insights and strength to not only make it through his own addiction battle but then also the courage and persistence to take that knowledge and those skills and share them with others on a similar journey.
Jay became a Certified Sexual Integrity Mentor and began to mentor men dealing with porn addiction. Jay works with husbands from all over the world (from the US to the UK and Australia), while Lori, also a Certified Mentor trained in betrayal trauma, works with and supports the wives via one-on-one mentoring and group coaching. Jay considers porn addiction an “unhealthy outlet for a healthy desire” and strives to make participants understand that they are not broken, flawed, or alone because of this struggle. They believe there is no “one-size-fits-all” approach because every relationship is unique. Their approach is based on eliminating triggers or increasing the distance between the trigger and the response. Over the years they have collected hundreds of relationship tools that will enrich a couples physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual life. As individuals get more practice in these areas their relationships will improve.
[To watch the interview, click the image above or the link below]
Their Tips To Triumph Over Pornography Addiction
Jay explains that pornography is a symptom of an issue(s), and in his case, the issues were his inability to communicate and trust. Both Jay and Lori had to learn to communicate differently to each other – for Jay that involved talking and being more open with Lori, with Lori the process involved being more open to listening. Lori shared how many women generally have hope and want to make the marriage or relationship work. The three areas that Jay acknowledged in order to move the relationship forward were Ownership, Repairing What He’d Done, and Finding Support (for both spouses). He had to own what he had done and keep owning it. He had to humble himself and realize it wasn’t about defending who he was, but rather about repairing what he had done. The third important part of recovery was getting some support for each of them. Lori credits support as an important tool in the healing process, especially finding the right kind of support – a non-judgemental place to vent and have the support of those who have gone through the same situation. She shares how finding her voice and creating boundaries were also a big part of her healing journey. Another important tip Lori speaks about is communication, specifically keeping calm and learning how to say things in a different way. She believes keeping calm allows you to hear what the other person is saying without activating the flight/fight response. Jay and Lori also make date nights a priority – just having fun and enjoying each other.
Their process from experiencing pornography addiction to helping others combat it developed from Lori’s avid researching of communication techniques for over 30 years. She always knew she wanted to help other couples, but admits that it was difficult, a “trial by fire” experience.
Since then, Jay and Lori feel blessed to be able to sit on the front row of watching other people’s marriages heal and change and survive. Jay says no one could pay him enough at a “regular job” because their program actually impacts the long term. The couple started by helping people who have been through the pornography issue but soon discovered that they typically see anger issues on the part of the addict and also communication issues. They have begun to branch out into helping couples in general using the hundreds of best practices/tools they’ve learned. Their goal is to start having retreats for people that aren’t in crisis but just want to have a better relationship.
To learn more about Jay and Lori, their program, and overcoming broken trust, please visit https://gumroad.com/l/LzMJm.