Carol: What inspired your kindness and compassion?
Karyn: As a little girl, my mother said to me one day, “There will always be another woman who may be more beautiful, thinner, or more petite, have bluer eyes, or blonder hair….so just remember, that you must focus upon cultivating the gift of a beautiful heart.” I never forgot my mother’s inspired wisdom. I determined that I would cultivate a beautiful heart; a heart that was kind and compassionate, enduring and faithful, loving, tender and affectionate. But I learned that not everyone, not every man, appreciates that about a woman! I began to understand that in this world, there are those who are the givers and those who are the takers.
Carol: Isn’t that the truth.
Your mother sounds so wise and also loving. What beautiful words of wisdom she shared with her daughter.
Karyn: My mother was the example of a nurturing, loving, faithful, woman. I had only one desire; to grow up and emulate her goodness. I was blinded by the impure intentions of those who did not know what true love is.
Carol: Karyn, do you believe that loving others with a beautiful heart and as purely as possible is the right thing to do in today’s world?
Karyn: In my subsequent marriages, that still involved disarming forms of betrayal and hurts, what brought me through was realizing that I only have power over one person’s choices….my own. I cannot decide how honest my mate will be or if he will evade the truth or only share partial or half-truths. I realized that I had succeeded in being true to God and myself (and my husband) regardless of how he had failed me. There’s a sense of confidence that comes with remaining true to oneself even when someone else is cheating on you.
Carol: Betrayal and unfaithfulness in any relationship can be one of the most heart wrenching, difficult experiences. It can bring on a gamut of feelings and emotions, possibly causing the worst of someone to surface.
Brings to mind also: whenever I was asked which would be the hardest or which, if either I’d ever tolerate: my man having an emotional affair or a physical one, my answer was always: an emotional one. Both are incredibly hard, but when the heart is involved, in my opinion, it’s much, much worse.
So, through all of this, Karyn, when you now talk about “Pure Love in the Mourning,” what do you mean? How do you wish to inspire your clients and our readers with this article?
Karyn: I have been married eight times. Each time, I discovered that who I thought I was marrying was not exactly who he had portrayed himself to be during our courtship and engagement. I vowed to myself that I would not hold another man responsible for someone else’s wrong doings in the past. I committed to myself that I would become “Better not Bitter” and recommitted myself to go forward with faith in the future. I promised myself that I would still experience true love; the greatest love I could possibly have in this life. I knew that I must do my best to define what “being in pure love” means to me.
Carol: What does “Being in Pure Love mean to you?”
Karyn: It means that no matter how anyone has wronged me, used me, taken advantage of me, I will always turn to God and seek His guidance in how to remain forgiving, nurturing, kind and loving. I believe too many people are cruel to their former boyfriends or husbands. I don’t believe in that. I believe in being kind, even if it means you may end up with a lesser portion.
Carol: What do you mean by a “lesser portion?”
Karyn: I believe that after I die, I will go to the judgement seat of God and He will ask how I treated those who were my enemies….not only my friends. I want to be able to tell God that I have sought in all that I have experienced in my life, to continue to love as purely as I can — even if my heart got broken or wounded, even in the mourning times.
Carol: It seems that, regardless of the shortcomings of each of those relationships and how each ended, a semblance of amicability existed. Is that right?
Karyn: Yes. I never sought for alimony, not even child support in any of those departures. I have only turned to the Savior to find greater peace and purer love in the process. Hence…all the songs I have written about “The Pure Love of Christ.” I have written many, many songs to comfort the broken hearted and grieving. I believe that divorce can often times be as devastating as a death of a loved one because it is the death of the dream of a “Happily-ever-after.”
Carol: So “Pure Love in the Mourning” means?
Karyn: It means being true to yourself no matter how you are being treated. It means having a pure enough love for yourself to not accept abuse and to get out of relationships that are harmful to your spirit, your soul, your health or possibly even your life. It means not seeking revenge, but finding that, in God, we have a greater source of pure love who can offer us the needed and added strength to overcome all kinds of heartbreaks. It means being true to the one you have made covenants with (if you are in a marriage) and if you must say “Good Bye,” then do it with God and angels on your side. It means never lowering yourself or your standards to another person’s level just to get even. It means seeking refuge in the Lord; never revenge or retaliation. It means becoming better at loving…never bitter.
Carol: Words of wisdom Karyn, truly. I often share that I believe our world is so “positively” love and touch deprived. Notice I specified “positively.” There is a lot of ugliness in the world. What you shared, what I have referred to as “words of wisdom,” I am so in agreement with. Again, hard lessons learned and some that I personally wish I had just understood years before I did… It’s a good work that I believe we are doing here Karyn. I trust we will reach and help many overcome the many hurts of life and love.