We do not focus as much on metrics as we do about how do we get the best out of the people around us? How do we become a team leader rather than a team manager? How do we learn to decide democratically, then implement dictatorially?
Today, many companies invest a very significant amount of money in training – to get an MBA or new skills, or seminars – which is important. We learn a lot about management from those courses. Personal development, on the other hand, is not a skillset, and evolves experientially. It’s not something you can learn on the Internet – you really must participate in other people’s problems and their situation. We begin to understand the people around us – not as resources but as humans.
In society today, the way that technology has taken over, we don’t have a great deal of people interaction.
David Belden: Absolutely. Social media, texting, instant messaging are all forms of semi-communication where we transfer information, but we are not actually communicating. There’s a huge resistance in a large part of the population to having those face to face conversations that actually build relationships.
Part of our development program is to actually make sure the participants are having those face to face conversations. In addition, they receive feedback on how they did and how it felt to have them as a conversation partner. It is a shocking experience to a lot of people.
What do you think are some of the biggest myths out there when it comes to this arena: Of leadership and self-discovery?
David Belden: One of the greatest misconceptions today is around millennials, the newest generation coming into the workforce. They have already taken over the workforce. I am a baby boomer and there are more millennials now in the workforce than there are from the baby boomer generation.
Fundamentally, there is no basic difference in people. There are only differences in style and expectations. Baby Boomers are often confused about millennials expectation of frequent feedback, reinforcement, and appreciation, mostly because none of us going into business ever had those things. That doesn’t mean we didn’t desire it, it means that we were afraid to ask for it and no one was used to providing it.
I had an interesting experience. My son spent 21 years in the service. He was a Green Beret for 17 years: He was in a very elite group within the Special Forces. He and I were talking about millennials and how they were different from previous generations. I said, ‘You know, they expect a lot of feedback and reinforcement,’ and he started laughing. He was training millennial Green Berets who had at least two years of combat experience. He said every time they completed an exercise, they would be lining up to hear how they did. They would ask “How did I do, Sarge”? My son asked, ‘Are you still alive? If so, you did just fine!’
He was surprised that they would need that constant reinforcement. That is something that has changed in the workplace and in life. We need to accept it. If we want to get the best out of people, it simply behooves us to invest the time giving feedback and encouraging and mentoring people.
I also experience the younger generations as desirous of adult supervision. Not parental supervision, but true mentoring of someone more experienced. I was in a crowded Starbucks recently. I saw this young man wearing a suit at a table with an free spot, so I asked if I could join him. I asked, ‘So did you get the job?’ And he said, ‘Is it that obvious?’ I said, ‘Well, you’re wearing a suit and tie. I thought you were probably interviewing, so yes, it is.’
We talked for a while and I asked him, ‘Are you open to some feedback?’ And he said, ‘Yes.’ I said, ‘Before your next interview, polish your shoes.’ It had never occurred to him that polished shoes could be important. It’s that kind of simple feedback about dress, about behavior, about speech that we as the more mature generation need to be imparting in an understanding way to the younger generation. Unfortunately, that only happens infrequently.
Tell me what you think are the more common fears that you see when they first come into your leadership or self-discovery program?
David Belden: One of the greatest fears is anxiety. The title is intentionally frightening “Leadership and Self Discovery” – We are going to discover something important about the world and ourselves.
People are going to reveal themselves and this is emotional as well as intellectual – and human development is always uncomfortable. We prepare people for that from the very beginning. Anxiety is a normal part of life.
The level of abdominal discomfort is directly proportional to the level of importance of the topic being discussed. I say, if you have a little tension in your gut, that’s a good thing. All it means is that this something of great importance.
In this program, we meet four times for three days at a time – it’s a 12-part program. These three very intense days are transformational for everyone involved. The participant learns about themselves and they learn that being smart is not what is most important. Yes, it is important to be smart, but it is more important to CARE. An expression we use a lot is: “I don’t care how much you know until I know how much you care.” If there is no empathy, if there is no understanding, if there is no connection between the two of us on a human level, I’m am simply not able to hear what you are saying.
