Deborah Dennis was recently interviewed for Business Innovators Magazine to discuss her chapter in a new book, “The Essence of a Woman: Unleash the Feminine Soul,” Talking about “The artful expression of love is a human life.” Parenting an XtraGrowth Family and gives 5 action steps.
- Be truly yourself; kids can tell
- Be firm, so they trust you
- Be involved in an amazing relationship
- Protect them for their future
- Include them so they are competent
Parenting, mothering, is an artful expression. When a child is born, divine purposes collide. The uniqueness of the disposition of each child reflects their soulful desire. Recognizing and harmonizing with each child’s individuality can guide a parent’s choices.
Deborah was born on the North Sea of Scotland. Romantic stories of castles, lavender fields, sheep, and quaint bungalows in the distance, as she gazed almost everywhere, and all that amazing history was where she started out. Her parents loved telling her about it. The family moved to Rochester, New York, when she was two. At age nine, they moved to Orlando, Florida, and enjoyed all the visitors that naturally came. Eventually, she settled in Texas at age 15. She followed her patent-laden father’s illustrious career in the telecommunications industry. Her mom was by his side. Deborah loves to say that she comes from a long line of mothers who have had little girls. It makes her think of just how special life is and how they take turns being so innocent and then so responsible.
Deborah met David Dennis at the University of North Texas. She graduated and started her career in Technical Recruiting in 1990. By December of that year, they were married. When people asked about having children, they told everyone that they planned to wait 10 years. They did!
In her chapter “Parenting an XtraGrowth Family ” in The Essence of a Woman: Unleash the Feminine Soul, Deborah Dennis is so excited to introduce the unique individuals who came to her and her husband, describing how their kids actually chose them.
Deborah says, “They knew our personalities and what they would face from us and our bloodline, so naturally, I have confidence they are strong enough to handle whatever comes their way as they mature.”
In 2000, Deborah and David welcomed their first child, “Golden Dragon Baby,” a beautiful girl, and the three of them started on the most magnificent odyssey. Oh boy, did this dragon baby roar!! While Deborah was pregnant with her, she drove to work with the top down, music blaring. They did not realize how easy it is for a developing baby to hear. As they gained so much more knowledge than they knew was possible to apply, it dawned on them how successful they were when we noticed and played along with what each baby was observing moment by moment. Their first child, also known as the forward-facing “Swivel Head” Baby, demanded to be held in front of their body and face out. Her head steadily went right to the left, right to left. When she was hungry and wanted anything at all, they were met with a huge intake of air. The air was sucked in with as many breaths as needed, up to seven inhales without exhaling. The air was to develop a scream that could rattle glass! We accommodated this baby, an enormously powerful creature. Today, she continues to command respect. She was a 10 out of 10 in every way. They met her with love, thus allowing her to soften. They were amused. Everyone was. She had 20 lemon wedges brought to her by waiters who were happy to do so, and she had command of even the colors she wore. Pink was a no; the inhales started if Deborah went for any pink outfit. She recently married her high school orchestra stand partner. She graduated from SMU and is a solid member of the medical industry. Deborah says, “We are immensely proud parents watching her move from our odyssey into a new one with her husband, Joshua”.
Next came the “Seagull Crier” Baby, a glowing, bright, happy, all-the-time, serene baby. She was both aloof and easygoing, and she cried like a seagull flying over the ocean docks. Deborah says, “No surprise, I listened to ocean sounds to soothe my morning sickness”. This baby did not have all the blaring music because the louder baby was sleeping—a huge inner world with characters developed for these two babies. Two years apart, together they found an imaginary friend, a bear named Farrar, at the Peabody Hotel in Memphis. Ferrar stayed with them for three years; Deborah read to him, too. Fairy wands, still to this day, come from magnolia tree blooms. Everything spoke to these two – trees, clouds, flowers, especially snapdragons. They are responsible for branding our XtraGrow product with snapdragons. The “Seagull Crier Baby” was found to have a speech delay that vanquished just in time to see dyslexia keep her on the same reading level for years. With much work, she adapted to complete advanced placement classes and get into college. She did not want to stay there. She left after the first year, to their surprise and concern. She became a full-time artist with her distinctive wow factor within a short time. They do believe she is going to be famous; she sort of already is in Denton! She personifies the most chaos that they have ever known. Even with this, she is a gifted visionary conscious of even the most minute components of what she sees, as if she has a thousand eyes herself. Her followers joyfully take her work and share it as a part of themselves.
Their third baby is the “Pure Love” Baby. He is everything Corinthians 13 commands of what love is and is not. He could patiently smile at the grouchiest person in the room until they smiled back. A playground bully hit him in the head with one of those old birdhouses on a pole when he was five years old. Tragically, he was not his normal self afterward. He was under disciplinary circumstances every day at school and the topic of many families’ dinner conversations. As they chased down possible therapies and guidance for his traumatic brain injury, nothing official could be determined. They said it was possible ADHD and put in accommodations for that at school. By 6th grade, he was still enigmatic to teachers. Deborah says, “Resisting advice to drug him, we were steadfast in our determination to do our best for him when he discovered his athletic body and musical ear”. Success was his as he lovingly shared his gifts with others. He plays piano as if the famous Rachmaninoff is under his hat. He sings and plays the guitar. He did not want lessons; he wanted to teach himself. The family also watched him smile and be friendly during wrestling matches. His coach said that he could make a more menacing facial expression, but like the rest of us, the Coach must sit back and watch this boy be his charming self.
This brings this story to the quintessential tiny baby, the “Hide Me” baby. She was deeply and fully fine until someone outside the immediate family approached. As this often happened, she would attempt to go down Deborah’s shirt or squish into her shoulder or leg with all her mighty strength. She was very introverted and found it easy to charm others and have a small circle of friends once she started kindergarten. Always on the underdog cheering team, she is also an artist and an excellent writer. Her world developed fast as she spent hours reading and drawing, refusing ballet and swim team, and doing everything with the older kids and their friends. It was as if she preferred mature company, but silly antics are her favorite. She gets every joke. She was diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes, also known as Type One Diabetes, at 18 months of age. Deborah manages her blood sugar daily, one meal, and one snack at a time. Deborah says, “We do not panic. Early on, I decided to join a support group. I was given much sympathy. This showed me that I could not allow this disease to become an identity for us; we are not victims of it, we are managing it. It is something to manage just as many other things are managed. She is so much more than all the extra details that go into her care. As a new teenager, she is committed to healing herself. We are incredibly proud of her as she takes the reins more and more. She will change the world! She is there for any child that needs a hand. She is so kind, so fair, and unafraid to bring things up that are on her mind or could benefit another person”.
XtraGrow is one of the companies in which their kids participated. They witnessed experiments, helped with packaging, listened to thousands and thousands of phone calls, and grabbed faxed-in lab reports from the plant in Nebraska. They watched us speak to groups about regenerative agriculture. People would visit their home, even live with them for a time. Deborah says, “The most interesting people ever meet them and have told them how our product helps the world in richly fundamental ways, ways that fit into what they really care about. As these cool people were around my kids, they said my kids were fortunate to have parents like us. People respect others by the value they have. If you are authentic, your value is obvious, and people treat you in the way they see you. It is validation and a happy way of being in this world that fosters creativity. Others like you see you and bond with you in a safe way. Loneliness is not even something that makes sense as a concept to you. This alone hedges off some of the main challenges of modern parenting. The boundaries you set in caution and love and how you move within your world gift your children their values. Never take the word of an authority figure over your child; this is not wise under any circumstance. As you take personal responsibility and are accountable for your choices as a parent, you thrive as a parent!” Some advice from Deborah: Have your home be the social go-to haven. Volunteer where they participate, read what they read, shop and cook together, share in mundane chores together, and try new adventures. Be involved in letting them have their own time by simply knowing where they are and who they are with. Bad influencers are something that can be misconstrued.
The most challenging thing that ever happened to them as parents was when a family member told their kids they were the bad influencers. So ashamed, one of our kids subsequently ran away. Their note said the family would be better off without them. In shock, David and Deborah eventually called the police; it was getting dark; thank goodness they found their child! Deborah says, “Asking for help is okay, even if there are consequences. It took us a while to piece everything together. It is so very important not to judge or hold a grudge that divides. All is merely unfolding in front of you for a reason. When parents try to be good parents, they often put a lot of weight on what they don’t want. Some parents lose confidence because of an ex-spouse, drugs, drinking, mental issues, in fighting, self-harm, or mistakes made. The list is a long one, but whatever the story, it is a story, when a parent repeats the story of “why we do not” it goes on forever until you stand up to it in love. It sounds like parents are being called to be Christ-like. Or what would Jesus do? He did talk about other people, but he forgave them. He warned and allowed some things to happen for the sake of the people that are learning. Every one of us has ancestors with every behavior and communication style that ever was. If we can identify what we don’t want, we can identify what we do want”.
A startling story happened when Deborah was a baby. Her mother’s older sister attempted to get a divorce in “the old days.” Deborah says, “My grandparents were having a New Year’s Eve party back in New York. My aunt attended with her two sons, and her violent husband appeared. She managed to shove their kids into a closet, and they survived, but several people did not. This man, who was so consistently a threat to those around him, arrived intent on killing my aunt, and he did. My mom lived with survivor’s guilt and needed much comfort. I was a small baby when this tragedy occurred, and it really did affect my relationship and how I became the woman I am today. The venues of energy around the positive are vast. A lot can get done when you do what you want to do. You don’t get stuck in quicksand like you would, actively avoiding or allowing interference to dominate over what is coming into your life, especially in the parental role where it is not just you that such choices affect. What is intended for you is to be happy and able to create a true home. Kids are innocent even if they look guilty. They are confident looking because youth is beautiful. They do not know what they do not know, and you might not want to tell them yet as you stand between them and harm, until they are ready. Deciding what is harmful is part of the wisdom you gain. Say “no” on matters that could affect their future readiness to do what they love. There is no need to ensure that they intellectually understand everything, they want them to figure stuff out for themselves in their own time. Provide the tools, resources, and a well-balanced presence in their lives”.
Remembering the relationship between Deborah and her mother, one of the most poignant things she recalls is how incredibly protective she was regarding dating and being around guys in general. Deborah says, “It is not that she was strict; she was reliving the tragedy of her aunt when she was a baby”. Deborah still hears her mom’s words resonating as she warns about how easy it is to attract and how hard it could be to get out of a relationship. Being a force for good and positive global change, Hermine Tobolowsky, the mother of the Texas Equal Rights Amendment, lived and worked in Dallas. Deborah was honored to work by her side, in her home even, on anti-stalking legislation that would have helped her aunt. Women’s rights were her child, and the dream was for everybody to have the ability to care for themselves as empowered and capable individuals. This became a pivotal archetype for Deborah as a mother and in business. Deborah believes that people must realize that they have the highest connection and are free to choose daily for their own good and well-being. Deborah emphasizes that “Everyone is a genius at something. It is safe to be around someone who has more skill than you. Celebrate their art: you will get prolific kids! And by all means, be mindful of music; it could set the whole tone for their adorable baby personality and their future greatness!”
Be Healthy In A Hurry
Deborah Dennis of XtraGrow, https://www.xtragrow.com, shares her chapter in the book The Essence of A Woman on the podcast Be Healthy in a Hurry, https://www.behealthyinahurry.com.
Deborah ties the wisdom and essence of being a mother and an entrepreneur to develop a family purpose and mission, first to honor and embrace the divine spirit of each child and second to develop a business where children can be a part of the business, learning by example and involvement. XtraGrow is part of a movement called responsible agriculture, where she and her husband, along with many others, have contributed to bringing to market a responsible, sustainable, earth-friendly fertilizer that is safe around children and pets and good for the environment.
XTRAGROW – World’s First & Only “Premium Organic” Multipurpose Plant Based Vegan Fertilizer
In another interview with Deborah & David Dennis, the founders of XtraGrow, they talked about how their product has received the designation as the world’s first and ONLY Premium Organic Multipurpose Fertilizer, which means that it only contains naturally processed plant-based ingredients with no industrial waste, no heavy metals and no animal byproducts, a new more premium type of organic. This advantage eliminates the unpleasant smells and bacterial contamination from manures, low-quality industrial waste products, and heavy metal contamination from composts while enjoying enhanced bioavailability of nutrients, healthier and stronger plants, increased yield of flowers, fruits, and vegetables, greater pest resistance, greater freeze, and drought tolerance.
To connect with Deborah, go to Deborah@XtraGrowFoundation.org or Deborah@XtraGrow.com.
