Nitsan: It sounds like they have a misconception. What is it?
Howard: You hear people say all the time, “Oh, this is just the way I am.” Well, that’s fine, but you don’t have to stay that way. A young woman took my class, and she said, “What you’re saying is that the way I am is because of my father and mother, but if I don’t change I must blame it on me.” And I said, “That’s exactly it! Take control of your life!” Now that’s what a lot of people are just not willing to do. Anyone who really wants to change and is sincere in their effort to change – we can bring that change about.
Nitsan: It sounds so simple. So why do we need you?
Howard: There are certain tools and techniques that I have that make it come alive. Hey, just by talking about this – like we are right now –can you go out, at the end of this interview, and change your life? Probably not.
Nitsan: Okay, so…
Howard: So, what I’m talking about is compiling these actions into a practical, every day, useful method to bring about change in your life.
Nitsan: If I ask you to give just one thing that we can offer to people right now, what would it be?
Howard: To start thinking in a new way. To start thinking: “I want to change. I can change. I believe in change.” Listen to what you’re saying because the mind is a computer and it’s programmed every day by what we think and what we say. So you need to start paying attention to what you say.
For example, I had a man that was working for me in marketing.
I asked him, “Who was the person you saw last Friday?
He said, “Oh, I can’t remember names,”
I said, “Would it be helpful to you to remember names?”
He said, “Oh, yes, I’m in sales. It would be great to remember names, but, I can’t do that.”
I said, “Wait a minute – would you be willing to see if you can make a change?”
He said, “Yeah,”
I said, “Okay, the first thing is: stop saying I can’t remember names. That’s an instruction to your brain and, so when you meet somebody and you say, ‘That’s me, I can’t remember names,’—then the name never registers. Secondly, now set a goal! You will remember someone’s name tomorrow. Can you? Somebody you see?”
He said, “Oh, yeah, I’m always meeting new people,”
I said, “Okay, now here’s a simple affirmation that I want you to say 20 times in the morning, 20 times at noon, 20 times at night.” The affirmation was: I’m getting better all the time at remembering names. So, it’s not: “I am perfect at remembering names!” It’s opening up a space for growth. The next day he came in.
I said, “Do you remember who you talked to last week?”
He said, “Oh, yes, it was Roy Lance, what a neat guy. He’s full of information and a rugged guy and plays softball.” He added, “You know, I really am getting better at remembering names.”
So, just by reformulating the statement he was saying to his brain, from I can’t remember names to I’m getting better at remembering names– I made a change in his life!
Nitsan: That’s remarkable. Now tell me: how would you have related to Robin Williams if you’d just met him casually?
Howard: I would be asking him questions, because I’m a very intent listener. I’d want to hear what he has to say about his condition, and if he acts like the victim and says, “Oh, that’s just the way I am, that’s my genes.” I would talk to him about willingness to change, and if he said, “Well, I don’t know what to do about it,” then, I could start talking to him about specifics that he could do. But the first thing you need to do is to get the attitude of the person about their life and how they see it.
Nitsan: And, if he would just joke around with you, what would you do?
Howard: I would joke around with him, too, because I enjoyed him. He was a very funny guy, but also, if you watch some of interviews that have come out recently, you see he had a very serious side, too. I think I could pull him back to that serious side, so we could have a really in depth discussion of what he could do to change his life.
Nitsan: What would be your offer?
Howard: My offer would be to work with him for 21 days and – if he’s willing to work for 21 days – my method only takes about a minute or two each day, but it’s how we structure it to be relative to the person that’s seeking the change.
Nitsan: It sounds really good! A valuable thing for all of us!
Howard: Yes, it is. My wife, Betty, and I have been married 60 years and we’re happy every moment. We just got back from lunch, and she said, “We have a pleasant life,” and I said, “Yeah, I know we do,” but, I said, “and a lot of that is because of who we are and what we think.” See, I have a daily affirmation that I use: I’m happy because the time to be happy is every moment. You can’t be happy in the past, you can’t be happy in the future: the time to be happy is right now! And, then the second thing is: I’m grateful for my past. I can’t change my past, but it’s who I am today because of my past, so I’m grateful for everything that happened in the past that brought me to today.
Now, the third thing is: to be confident about the future and William James one time said, “If you think that feeling bad long enough or worrying long enough can change either past or future event, you’re living in another universe with a different reality.”
