Carol: Love it …
Karyn: What do we all need to experience more of? The Gift of Feeling and Being Truly, Deeply Forgiven for those things that we truly, deeply want to let go of.
Karyn: Let’s examine our hearts and minds a bit more thoroughly. When we are freed from feeling those heavy emotions of resentment, revenge, anger and even apathy, we can be cleansed from all that emotional toxicity that burdens our hearts and minds! Now we become free to focus on the present and look forward to the future!
Carol: What are a few simple questions or steps one can take in order to forgive oneself or another person?
Karyn: Asking or pondering these questions would be a great start.
1. What would I like to forgive myself for?
2. What do I blame myself for now?
3. What belief(s) do I have against myself that keep me perpetuating and experiencing what I don’t want to experience anymore?
4. What would I like to feel about myself now?
5. What would I like to experience more of, now?
6. If I could choose to believe 3 beautiful things about myself now, what would those new beliefs be?
7. What three things can I congratulate myself on for persevering through and overcoming?
8. Is there anyone in my life that I have not forgiven?
9. Does holding on to this grudge serve me or them in any way?
10. How would it feel if my heart, mind, body and spirit could be freed of “bitterness” and I could choose to feel “better” about myself and this other person now?
11. Do I want to live a bitter life or a better life?
12. What choice can I appreciate, honor and respect myself for making in my past?
13. What obstacle have I already overcome that I never gave myself credit for overcoming?
14. What obstacle or block in my life would I like to forgive myself for now?
15. Is there anyone I need to apologize to for my part in the story I have created that involves them?
16. Is there anyone I would like to sincerely express an apology to and ask for forgiveness from now?
17. If I extended more compassion and mercy to myself or this person what would that feel like?
18. Do I believe that God can help me to forgive myself and make a new choice about myself in the area(s) of my life wherein I need His support, guidance and direction now?
Carol: Excellent Karyn. Just excellent!
Carol: I’d like to continue now with some questions that are situationally specific.
Carol: How do you forgive someone who doesn’t realize that they have even hurt you?
Karyn: That is probably one of the most painful experiences, isn’t it Carol? To hold inside and to repress your hurt and pain, especially when it is not acknowledged by the one who may have caused that hurt seems to double the portion. Now, you are not only feeling sorrow for the “original wound” (as I call it) but without that hurt being understood, seems to add salt to the wounds. One of the most devastating forms of “abuse” is to have that “abuse” covered up, ignored, belittled, undermined or denied. I have experienced this as well and have found that there is only one Person in the heavens that can sufficiently “redeem” us from those feelings of anguish when the person who has wounded us is not even willing to be empathetically accountable. This is exactly why I created the music for “The Healer’s Touch Method.” The process I take people through requires only a willingness on the part of the wounded one to be comforted, consoled, understood and acknowledged, even when the other party is completely oblivious and unaware. Remember, Jesus’ last words as He hung on the cross, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” No one understands that kind of pain, better than He does.
Carol: So incredibly true !
Carol: When we forgive repeated abuse, are we on any level condoning what the other person has done to us?
Karyn: I believe it is important that we stay connected to our Divine Source when we are faced with a dilemma pertaining to “Forgiveness.” I remember my mother, who is a Marriage Therapist saying to me during a critical time in one of my previous marriages, “Karyn, anger has its place in the process of becoming whole. Let your anger alert you that what you are experiencing is not right, fair or good. Let that anger help you to set stronger boundaries.”
Often times, we are too quick to condone the abuse of another against us, because “We love them,” giving them a one way ticket into our hearts to repeat the mis-behavior. That is called, “Enabling.” We must stop the patterns of abuse in our own lives by refusing to allow mis-behavior to dominate our relationship.
“I am not distant and angry but am the complete expression of love.” 1 John 4: 16
Carol: If each of us right now thought of someone who we truly feel we have been struggling to forgive, what or how would you direct us to begin the process of finally letting go of the betrayal, hurt, indiscretion … and forgive:
1: We need to get clear with the “Maker” and with our own hearts on how much “mis-behavior” we are willing to take because accepting wrongful treatment is in essence, very much “condoning” the mis-behavior.
2: We must be emotionally honest with ourselves and the other person. We must express to those who have wounded us that the demonstrated treatment is not okay with us, that we are not willing to experience it again (and again) and that we are willing to forgive them so that we can be freed from carrying any residue of bitterness or resentment in our own hearts towards them for their wrongful treatment of us.