“Forgiveness in the Mourning”
Giving and Receiving Mercy is the Miracle That Can Change Everything.
Hello Dear Readers. When Karyn suggested that Forgiveness should be our next topic in our 2019: The Year of Joy Series, I totally agreed. Neither one of us however expected turn of events/memories/ old wounds that occurred individually, although in both of our lives, that would put the topic to rather potent unprovoked tests. All is well and good as what those events did and what our reactions and dealings were within those only heightened what we wanted to share with you.
Mine, although many of us can relate to situations where we have had to forgive ourselves or others, in this case, dealt mostly with letting go of very deep past hurts (and some current) with family betrayals and misrepresentations – being accused of saying, doing and thinking things I have never said, done or thought which separated me from the family and Karyn’s will be with her own words as you join us in our conversation in just a bit.
Hurts can also have good sides as we forgive, learn to let go, move on … Over the years, the hurts I referred to, have only further contributed to one of my main “whys” and purposes of my work: that is to accurately represent my clients, directly, from their hearts, their words, their feelings, aspirations and what they’d like their legacies to be vs no or poor and inaccurate representation of same. I truly enjoy my conversations and work with Karyn for just those reasons. She is such a contributor and glorious Soul that has touched not only myself and all of you, but many across the world.
“I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me.” John 8: 41-44
With that and with much love to you all, let’s begin!
There are so many facets to forgiveness, which many of us are well aware, however, within this conversation, Karyn and I will be looking at Forgiveness as a two-step process. Part One: The Joy of Forgiving Oneself and Part Two: The Joy of Forgiving Others.
We realized, as we began covering this potent topic, that, there were many subtopics which we could cover, and we thought that perhaps we should do Part 1 one month and Part 2 another, however we decided not to wait and address part 2 now a well. We thought once you start with step one, you will be eager to complete Step 2 and so the decision was made.
The Joy of feeling forgiven and extending that relief to another human being is contagious….so let’s start with Part 1: The Joy of Forgiving Oneself.
Carol: How did the topic of “Forgiveness” come to mind or surface as this month’s contribution in our continuing series on JOY?
Karyn: That’s a loaded question! Thinking of what you just shared personally adds to questions that came to mind when we were talking about our next topic. Some of my thoughts were: How many have ever felt the excruciating pain of being misjudged or have our/their intentions misread? Nothing can block the path of JOY like remorse, self-blame, guilt, projected at oneself or aimed at another human being. The lower vibrations of anger, resentment, pride, judgement are dark and heavy. Darkness cannot abide the Light. Joy cannot be found in a bitter heart.
Carol: Yes, couldn’t agree more.
Carol: With so many of the topics we have covered thus far and being only half way through the year with so much more to cover and share, I can just hear and appreciate those wheels turning when you think over the many facets and components of the joy work you have now been doing for so many years. This is a great topic Karyn and I believe it will help many. May I ask: How do you personally define forgiveness?
Karyn: I would define forgiveness as a willingness to look at oneself, another person, or a situation through the eyes of mercy, compassion, empathy and kindness. When we are looking at a situation that involves ourselves or others, we can tend to be focused on the pain we feel or the sorrow someone has caused us. Stepping into a place of neutrality affords us a different vantage point so that we can revisit the situation with divine perspective. I do not necessarily believe that forgiveness is something that we can “talk ourselves into.” My experience with forgiveness is that it is a gift from God. I have never truly felt the miracle of forgiveness without first feeling that God has enlarged my heart with the capacity to do so.
Carol: I agree with much of what you just shared.
Karyn, what is the most important idea you would like to get across in this article, “Forgiveness in the Mourning?”
Karyn: I believe the most important place to begin on the subject of “Forgiveness” is by looking within oneself. To “Forgive” is to make a new choice about the way we perceive the past. Every day we make decisions. We decide to like or to dislike ourselves. Based on our past experiences, we hold ourselves hostage to a belief system that may be paralyzing our progress along the path of Joy. We hold ourselves hostage to past decisions we once made about ourselves. We often form unfair bias’ and opinions about ourselves (or others) and then hold ourselves (or them) captive to wrongful assumptions of who we believe we are (or they are). Not learning how to be forgiving of ourselves can affect multiple areas of our lives and hinder us in the pursuit of happiness.
Carol: How do people get into a place of harboring self – blame and self-judgment about themselves?
Karyn: If we have one negative experience, wherein we feel we failed at something, we may find our mind writing layers of “uncertainty” about our ability to ever do, or try to do that particular thing, successfully. Some of us may make a decision about our ability to succeed at something, based on whether or not we did well at our first or second attempt. Is that fair?