Finally, my daughter woke me up saying, “Mom, this guy is NOT right for you! Can’t you see it? You’re crying ALL the time! What on earth do you see in him!?” In between sniffles I muttered, “He buys me roses and Sees Chocolates!” My daughter’s jaw dropped as she exclaimed, “MOM! Buy your own SEES Chocolates!” That’s all it took to wake me up from my proverbial fairytale dream of believing it took someone outside of myself to nurture me, to flatter me, to baby me, to cherish me, to adore me and to make me feel loved and loveable!
Carol: Smart daughter Karyn. Amazing what can happen when we allow insights in from others who truly care. By the way, what ever happened with that relationship?
Karyn: Shortly after marrying him, I realized that it wasn’t the right fit! I had done it again! I had run headlong into yet another disaster! I got up one night and fell on my knees asking God to please tell me where I had gone wrong!
Carol: Did God speak with you, Karyn?
Karyn: The words that came to my mind after that prayer surprised me! They were so simple and so succinct! I felt an inaudible voice answer me with this statement: “Where you went wrong was NOT asking enough questions before you got emotionally (and physically) involved.”
It was so wise! So wonderful to understand that I had become “The Queen of Quick Encounters!” (And some of those encounters turned out to be those of the very worst kind!)
Carol: It’s sad that so many feel and think that it’s necessary for someone to love us in order to feel valuable and worthwhile.
Karyn: Yes, Carol, it is! We live, however, in a world that parades beautiful women across every movie screen, flashes their endowments on the front covers of magazines stacked in racks across the globe! Face it! You’ve got to either BE a beauty queen to feel like you fit into this world OR you have to BELIEVE that you are a Queen no matter how you compare to the airbrushed tabloids!
I always thought I was secure in myself. As a young girl, I had a strong connection with God and that helped me overcome the pitfalls of my teen years, even finding the courage to break up with my beloved boyfriend on Valentine’s Day at age 14, because I heard that “inaudible voice” whisper to me that I was “in the wrong place at the wrong time.” That was the hardest break-up because he was my first love. I found, though, that I had the inner strength to do it because I knew that God wanted something different for me at that tender young age.
Carol: What happened then?
Karyn: That break up wasn’t easy! I needed comfort from a larger Source than self. So, I began turning to God more and more. That’s when the song-writing began. My first song was written, at age 14, the day after I broke up with that boyfriend. I poured out my heart to God…in a song…and magically, I felt better.
Songwriting became a part of my daily life! It took a few songs to get me through that loss, because that boy was my very best friend too. After we broke up, I began making plans to graduate early from High School. I set new goals and focused my heart on my dream of growing up to become “a mother, an author, a singer and a songwriter.”
Carol: Been there: friend and love….
Where does “Pure Love” fit in with your story?
Karyn: As I developed that relationship with God, in my youth, I found that His pure love was deep enough to strengthen me through my teen years. It was by grasping the concept of a loving God, who I believe is a “heavenly” Father, that my confidence began to grow and deepen. Those were some of the most emotionally healthy years of my life! I learned to let God’s love romance my soul through the healing power of music….by writing poetry…and I was happy.
Carol: Beautiful. It sounds as if those years were good years, emotionally and otherwise.
Have you ever wondered since then what it was or has been that led you to, as you stated, having as many marriages as Elizabeth Taylor and Zsa Zsa Gabor? Any insights for our readers?
Karyn: (gently) I never said I was the perfect judge of character. As a matter of fact, after feeling so immersed in that pure love that lifted me through those tender teenage years, I think I believed that everyone is basically good and essentially harmless.
When I gazed into a man’s eyes, I saw the “Prince” deep within! I ignored any flaw, believing love could conquer all and pursued the “happily-ever-after” path that I had been programmed with as a little girl, while listening to those phonographs where “they all lived happily ever after!”
Carol: Your heart, sadly, sounds like it was broken many times.
Karyn: smiling I used to beat myself up for that…but now I have journaled enough to understand that I had a very deep desire to grow up and have a beautiful loving family, a nurturing home, a happy place where all was bright and beautiful! I admit, I was quite idealistic in my belief that life could be filled with mutual respect between people who have each other’s best interests at heart. I was taught that being faithful and enduring was a virtue. I believed that being kind and compassionate should come naturally for those you love. In my naivete, I guess I thought everyone thought….like me!
