Start with choosing one criteria to forgive because we must learn how freeing it is to feel “forgiven.” When we can truly forgive ourselves for something that we negate ourselves for, we will be prepared for the next step which is to forgive anyone else involved in the situation.
Carol: Great segway to now begin Part 2: forgiving others (even as we continue or as a part of our still forgiving ourselves).
Karyn: Yes. I agree.
Carol: Please continue Karyn. This is touching on many feelings, thoughts…
Karyn: Those who are hardest on themselves are sometimes those who are harsh with others. Learning the art of forgiveness blesses our own life and then begins sending out a ripple effect that blesses the lives of everyone else around us. As our hearts are lifted out of the despair of shame, blame and self-accusation, others will sense that our inner peace, love and joy is increasing. As we up the wattage on our ability to respect, honor and cherish ourselves, we will find that it is becoming easier to forgive those who may have trespassed against us.
Carol: There are those who think they have nothing to forgive.
Karyn: Some may think they have nothing to forgive. I remember when I found my older sister crying one day. I asked her what “was the matter?” She said: “I don’t like this family!” She wailed. “Why not?” I questioned her. “Because nobody in this family lets me ever turn over a new leaf!” She sobbed her little heart out. I didn’t quite know what that meant at the time. So I walked outside and found a leaf on the tree in the front yard. I brought it to her as a gift, trying to show my ten year old compassion. “Here….” I said quietly and turned the leaf over as I placed it in her hands. “I will! I will help you turn over a new leaf!”
Carol: Love it …
Karyn: What do we all need to experience more of? The Gift of Feeling and Being Truly, Deeply Forgiven for those things that we truly, deeply want to let go of.
Carol: Yes.
Karyn: Let’s examine our hearts and minds a bit more thoroughly. When we are freed from feeling those heavy emotions of resentment, revenge, anger and even apathy, we can be cleansed from all that emotional toxicity that burdens our hearts and minds! Now we become free to focus on the present and look forward to the future!
Carol: What are a few simple questions or steps one can take in order to forgive oneself or another person?
Karyn: Asking or pondering these questions would be a great start.
1. What would I like to forgive myself for?
2. What do I blame myself for now?
3. What belief(s) do I have against myself that keep me perpetuating and experiencing what I don’t want to experience anymore?
4. What would I like to feel about myself now?
5. What would I like to experience more of, now?
6. If I could choose to believe 3 beautiful things about myself now, what would those new beliefs be?
7. What three things can I congratulate myself on for persevering through and overcoming?
8. Is there anyone in my life that I have not forgiven?
9. Does holding on to this grudge serve me or them in any way?
10. How would it feel if my heart, mind, body and spirit could be freed of “bitterness” and I could choose to feel “better” about myself and this other person now?
11. Do I want to live a bitter life or a better life?
12. What choice can I appreciate, honor and respect myself for making in my past?
13. What obstacle have I already overcome that I never gave myself credit for overcoming?
14. What obstacle or block in my life would I like to forgive myself for now?
15. Is there anyone I need to apologize to for my part in the story I have created that involves them?
16. Is there anyone I would like to sincerely express an apology to and ask for forgiveness from now?
17. If I extended more compassion and mercy to myself or this person what would that feel like?
18. Do I believe that God can help me to forgive myself and make a new choice about myself in the area(s) of my life wherein I need His support, guidance and direction now?
Carol: Excellent Karyn. Just excellent!
Carol: I’d like to continue now with some questions that are situationally specific.
Karyn: Ok.
Carol: How do you forgive someone who doesn’t realize that they have even hurt you?
Karyn: That is probably one of the most painful experiences, isn’t it Carol? To hold inside and to repress your hurt and pain, especially when it is not acknowledged by the one who may have caused that hurt seems to double the portion. Now, you are not only feeling sorrow for the “original wound” (as I call it) but without that hurt being understood, seems to add salt to the wounds. One of the most devastating forms of “abuse” is to have that “abuse” covered up, ignored, belittled, undermined or denied. I have experienced this as well and have found that there is only one Person in the heavens that can sufficiently “redeem” us from those feelings of anguish when the person who has wounded us is not even willing to be empathetically accountable. This is exactly why I created the music for “The Healer’s Touch Method.” The process I take people through requires only a willingness on the part of the wounded one to be comforted, consoled, understood and acknowledged, even when the other party is completely oblivious and unaware. Remember, Jesus’ last words as He hung on the cross, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” No one understands that kind of pain, better than He does.
